Photographer's Mates and humor

I worked in the USS Yorktown photolab but earlier I worked at the Naval Air Station, Memphis. I made the portrait of Rear Admiral Martin when he was promoted to that high rank. In 1952, I took the formal photograph as he sat there in his dress blues, ribbons, hat and yards of gold braid. When making the finished 8x10 black and white prints, I took note of the way he held his head. I found a picture of myself where I was holding my head the same way.

I took the two negatives, one of the Admiral and one of me as a seaman and took a razor and made a cut around my face and put it right

over the top of the Admiral's face on the picture. (This is amazingly like how PhotoShop works but I did it for real and PhotoShop does it on a computer).

I had a personal drawer at the Photolab and left the picture of "Admiral Wells" in there with a lot of other things, official US Navy stuff and also unofficial Navy stuff.

Our old Photolab Chief was transferred to the USS Yorktown and so we got a new Chief and he was a hard ass and ordered a "spot inspection." All of the sailors held their breaths. The Chief opened my personal drawer (something the old Chief thought was "off limits") and saw the picture of Admiral Wells. The new Chief became outraged!

I had long been a 3rd Class Petty Officer Photographer's Mate and had taken and passed the written examination for promotion to 2nd Class Petty Officer. I was in trouble; but had no idea how bad the situation was. I was imagining how much brig time I would get, maybe a dishonorable discharge! Disgraced! The fear caused a deep tightening of every muscle in my body. I stood at attention, with my eyes forward and afraid to breathe. The Chief stood directly in front of me, staring into my eyes an demanding to know WHY I was committing such an outrage. He was new to the Photolab so he didn't know that I stuttered when I talked.

The Chief raised his voice again and demanded, "WHY!"?" Every muscle in my throat and stomach was tight. As I attempted to speak, my lower jaw dropped, stayed open and all that came out was a grunt. The Chief look at me in great anger and AGAIN demanded why I had outraged the United States Navy by doing such a terrible thing. All I could do was look at him, wide eyed, with my jaw open and frozen stiff. the only functioning organ was my brain. I could see the iron bars of the brig, dishonorable discharge and a life of humility

The Chief's anger grew to the level where he was furious as he had to deal with a lowly 3rd Class Petty Officer who wouldn't answer a direct question. He announced, "you are on Report" and went to his office to begin the paperwork.

I was before the Captain at Captain's Mast the following week. Going before a Captain's Mast was the evolvement of the Old Navy. When a seaman did something wrong, he had to stand in front of the Captain, as the Captain stood at the ship's Mast. After this mini-trial, the Captain would assign punishment, in front of the rest of the crew so an example was set. Usually the sailor was tied to the Mast and whipped. That was the "Old Navy" before the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

Standing at Captain's Mast at Memphis, I was more afraid than I had ever been in my life! I was in front of a man who had almost unlimited power. My whole future was in his hands. He listened to what the Chief had to say about me. he looked at the photograph.

The Captain was quiet for a several long minutes. He looked back at the photo of Admiral Wells again and again. I was shaking in my spit-shined black shoes.

Slowly, very slowly, the Captain looked up and at me. He was very solemn. Then he spoke softly and very seriously; "Petty Officer Wells, you seem to have received an immediate promotion! HHmmmmmmmmm.

The charge against you is "Impersonating an Officer". While I don't feel there was an attempt by you to actually impersonate an Admiral, we cannot condone this."

"You have already passed the examination for 2nd Class Petty Officer. If I reduce you in rank from 3rd to Airman, it would be, in effect reducing you two ranks.

PHAN John Rose w

ith a Navy blanket thrown over him as a toga and the other Photographer's Mate turning his work jacket around backwards, a US Navy Photo Lab poses for a Christmas Card.

I had a good friend Bud McLain (who retired in the 70s as PHC). While on his first carrier he was tasked to go up on the mast and shoot some photos of damaged radar gear. He made sure the word was passed on the carrier, and all ships along side that there would be men aloft. So, with the word passed he started up the ladder with two bags over his shoulder; one with a 4x5 Graphic, and the other full of flash bulbs for his flash (for fill to shoot inside the radar housing). Bud got 10-15 feet up the mast ladder when the small-boy next to the carrier decided to rotate their live radar, and when it swept Bud all the flash bulbs in his bag went off, burning a hole in the back pockets of his dungarees, and blistering his butt. Bud fell off the ladder, landing on his back and knocking his wind out.

Bud did not break any bones, but carried a burn scar with him the rest of his life. Oh, and after treatment in sick bay he and his chief made a visit to the destroyer next door to discuss the matter.

"trying to look tough in a picture to send to Mom back home" World War Two carrier Photographer's Mates

Chief Milt Putnam photographed the recovery of the Apollo 8 Astronauts (the first men to travel to the Moon) and Apollo 11 Astronauts (the first men to step on the Moon). President Nixon was aboard the ship to welcome the astronauts back to Earth. Putnam was in a Navy helicopter after filming the recovery, in front of The President and TV cameras broadcasting the events live-around the world. As Putnam jumped out of the helo and onto the flight deck he noticed that his gunner's belt was still attached firmly to him.

Figuring he had to act fast or end up falling onto the flight deck in front of the President and the World and thus to his eternal embarrassment, Photographer's Mate Putnam swiftly unclamped the gunner's belt at the same instant that his feet hit the wooden deck.

The Secret Service wanted all the aircrews to surrender their survival knives as the President was aboard. All the aircrews told the SS to go f*** themselves as they weren't going to fly without their survival knives on their legs. The SS relented.

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Photographer's Mate Chief James Herry tells the story of the photographer's mate who had a strange rash on the very tip of his nose! The medical corpsmen, down in sickbay, treated it as a virus or bacteria but nothing would clear it up. Finally, a closer look was made of the camera he was using. The camera had a short circuit in the flash assembly so whenever the photographer's mate snapped a picture, the flash would trigger and it would irritate his nose. Once the camera was fixed, the rash on the tip of his nose went away.

Chuck-a-Luck Cage Sets with Vinyl Lay-Down and 3 Dice

Not many people could look at the symbol for our rate and figure out what it was--light from above, going into a lens and coming out the other end. One photographer liked to joke with the girls on the beach that he was in the division that ran the gambling tables on the ship and that the symbol on our "crow" was a picture of the dice cage we operated!

A Photographers Mate was promoted to 2nd Class petty officer while TDY to a small-boy on a special ops mission. The destroyer did not have any PH crows so he did the next best thing he could, sewed on a PN2 crow until he could get one.

While in uniform on liberty he was in a bar with some shipmates when the "working girls" started asking about their different rating devices. When they got to my friend he explained that the emblem on his crow was a bible and pen, and that he acted as chaplain on small ships that did not have a priest.

Soon the word was out and every girl there wanted to talk privately with him so they could confess their sins.

Ken Brown
PHCM (ret)

Says the old lady to the Photographer's Mate, "You must be a compartment cleaner, I can tell from the little whisk broom on your arm."

The flag (Admiral) on the carrier the PH1 had been stationed on on his first sea tour was not pleased with the portraits that the ship's photolab had produced. At this point everyone that was any kind of shooter at all, including the leading chief, had done a sitting and the admiral (specifically the admiral's wife) was not happy with the results.

In desperation the photo chief asked the first class that was attached from the squadron if he wanted to give it a try. The squadron petty officer said "sure!"

On the appointed day the squadron PH set up a 4/5 view camera, loaded three film holders with six sheets of film. When the admiral arrived the PH1 did the usual pleasantries; seating the admiral, and adjusted his uniform.

After making a couple of final light adjustments he asked the admiral to wet his lips (the admiral did) then take a deep breath. The admiral took a breath (all the time looking very stern, and having a here-we-go-again expression).

The PH1 then said "Admiral, now blow it out yur ass!"

The admiral looked startled, then cracked a thin smile. At that point the PH1 quickly proceeded to shoot four shots on his sheet film.

The results; the admiral's wife approved the new portraits and the photolab crew gave out a sigh of relief. (picture: Fleet Admiral Chester Nimitz)

My extra duty came in 1954 off the coast of the Tachen Islands. The Yorktown, along with others, was covering the evacuation of the Chinese Nationalists to the islands of Quemoy and Matsu. A strip map was flown by a squadron photo plane and the film was brought back to the Yorktown photo lab for processing. It was a rush job. Prints had to go the photo interpretation and then to the fleet Admiral ASAP. Our photo officer assigned six of us to get the job done and locked us in the lab. No one in and no one out.

It was an overnight frenzy, but by morning "mission accomplished" and we all received a "job well done".

However, the dirty little secret and possibly not revealed until now, was that the frenzy was enhanced by 100% grain alcohol. that mixed with (consecrated) concentrated lime juice from the galley made for a great drink served up in our never washed coffee mugs.

The alcohol was used to clean negatives and was stored under lock and key. Only the 1st Class Petty Officer had the key. A little coaxing and soon our darkroom supplies were replenished. It was a great party. that morning we were all excepted from muster and left to sleep-in after "extra duty".

Do you have an addition to tribute to Photographer's Mates? Send an email to Photographer's Mate Daniel Bernath dan@disabilitypaycheck.com